"Strengthen the Feeble Hands, Steady the Knees That Give Way."
On Being Hinder – Part 4
Nov 17th
This is all much easier for me to write than it is for you to read—but know that my heart hurts for those who have a “Longing like Starvation.” I “rejoice with those who rejoice”, but I also “weep with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15). Counseling someone to “let go” feels like calling him or her back to the lonely desert.
But “better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife” (Prov. 17:1). “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife[/husband]” (Prov. 21:9). And, “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife[/husband]” (Prov. 21:19).
You may be in the midst of a relationship that is just “okay.” You may think, “Am I supposed to kick a good man/woman to the curb and wait for perfection?” No! There are good men and women who deserve a chance to show who they really are. There are good people who deserve a little more time to mature, and none of us is without sin so that we should be in the business of throwing stones.
If you are in a relationship that is something good Continue Reading >>
On Being Hinder – Part 3
Nov 10th
What I do not know is like the ocean to the dewdrop of my present knowledge, and it is the same with us all. This has been true, and will remain so well beyond our time here on earth. Sometimes the hesitation in a relationship is the product of our own homegrown fears ceded to us by family, friends, and past relationships. At other times the hesitation flows from true wisdom and caution is appropriate. Ah, but knowing the difference…
The fact of the matter is that we cannot make decisions based on what we do not know. I say this because I remember quite often waiting for a second opinion or a more favorable report. Perhaps it is the loyal soul in me, but letting go was always very hard, even when it was clear the relationship was going and should go nowhere. Sometimes it was a fear of being alone, and sometimes it was the ever present, “But what if…”
“What if this IS the person for me and I am just too wounded to let myself be loved?”
“What if I am just too picky?”
“What if she is serious about changing?”
“What if I never find someone else?”
“What if this is Continue Reading >>
On Being Hindered – Part 2
Nov 3rd
The passing of a relationship can feel like death. And it is a dying of sorts, if only a dying of dreams and hopes coupled with that fearful return to being single. But there are worse things, things lurking in the darker realms of relationships, the shadowy realms. I do not even mean the more tragic scenes of rape, abuse, or the eventual divorce. I mean also the pieces of our heart that lie strewn across the years of trying. A song I wrote many years ago begins like this;
“Every person that comes in your life takes another piece of your heart
and with every piece that slips away it gets a little harder to try.”
Carelessness in relationships is not only dangerous because of what may happen, but also because of what may die within you. Every failed relationship takes its toll, and yet, not every relationship can go forward.
As David Wilcox puts it, “Sometimes you build your hopes up and you fall back down again.??”[1]
God acts kindly in hindering us if we are in a relationship that is not His best. The kindest thing He can do is to keep us from greater mistakes. Oswald Chambers recounts this story.
‘Have you, I Continue Reading >>
On Being Hindered – Part 1
Oct 25th
We must each decide when holding on is mere stubbornness, when holding on is mere refusal to accept what is painfully obvious. We must each wrestle with the facts at hand, and decide whether it is wise to press on, or wiser to turn back. Not every relationship that starts must end in marriage. In fact, most do not and should not. I realize that whatever wisdom these words may hold they are small comfort to the longing heart—but they are true.
The truth is we all want what we want when we want it. We are hard pressed that God may actually orchestrate those things that hinder a relationship. But as our hearts are so easily fooled, He is careful to redirect us. Sometimes a relationship looks so good except for…well, you know. I know! We all have had those moments of inexplicable doubt. Sometimes it all looks so good that it is the most miserable thing to find one thing that hinders. Sometimes it all looks so good, but then the qualities of character are just not there. If God is trying to hinder you, if the Lord has revealed reasons for pause, pause. Pause! Be hindered!
The truth of the Continue Reading >>
