"Strengthen the Feeble Hands, Steady the Knees That Give Way."
The Myth of Simplicity – Part 1
Sep 18th
Some of you have wondered if I do not speak so much of God’s part in this affair that I remove human responsibility. This is not the case. It is not that we can do nothing, but if you are like me you have done an awful lot and seen little fruit. This is why, for me, the well-meaning phrases only open old wounds. This is why the many books that promise several steps, or worse, several easy steps to finding a mate—bother me. This is what I call the myth of simplicity.
The myth of simplicity suggests that relationships—getting married—should be simple. But simple is what you expect when you see the words “plug and play,” and no relationship is plug and play. Simple is what you expect when you pick up a guide for “dummies,” and the beauty of Christian marriage was never meant for dummies.
The myth of simplicity suggests that relationships should be simple. The very question, “Why aren’t you married yet?” seems to demand an easy answer, a simple answer—an answer that doesn’t require long moments of soul searching and prayer. Nobody can accept the simplest of all answers, “I don’t know.” So we stutter, shuffle our feet, Continue Reading >>
The Truth of Who We Are – Part 3
Sep 11th
We are made for human as well as divine relationship. Just as He did not make another animal for Adam we are not ultimately satisfied with less than human relationships. This does not HAVE to be marriage, but it may be. The desire for a more significant human relationship is proper—natural and real. Still, we dare not let the relational market determine or worth.
I made the astounding discovery years ago—that I did not like myself. Oh, I thought I was a good guy. In fact, I believed I was a good friend and would make a good husband. My family and many, many, friends reinforced this truth to me. But none of this translated to a relationship. Love still eluded me and self-worth suffered. I asked the questions, “Am I not good enough? What did I do?” and even, “What is wrong with me?”
It is in the deepest, darkest of pits that even a glimmer of light is best perceived, and so it was. I was watching the movie Planes Trains and Automobiles and was moved by one scene in particular. During a hotel stay the enraged Neal (Steve Martin) lambasted Del (John Candi) for his boring stories and mundane life. Neal was relentless Continue Reading >>
The Truth of Who We Are – Part 2
Sep 4th
If you have reached that point of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” listen! This is far more profound than the questions addressing our looks, size, shape, or accomplishments. The question, “What is wrong with me?” does not concern the things we can do or the things we have done. It does not concern our appearance our manners but our souls, our very being—who we are at the core.
This is a most dangerous place to be—measuring our worth by the favor of fickle men and women. It is a most dangerous question because we are not asking what is wrong with us in general principal—we are aware that plenty is wrong with us. We are asking, “Is what is wrong me the cause of my singleness?”
But what if it were, as we suspected, simply a flaw in our very nature? What if there was nothing we could do to affect change to then be married? That would only confirm our desperate state and drive us towards hopelessness. The only help would be if, while we were yet helpless, while we were yet sinners, someone worked on our behalf (Rom 5:8). And this is how it is.
If our God cared enough to die Continue Reading >>
The Truth of Who We Are Part 1
Aug 28th
There is a relational economy in which success is the measure of self-worth. Sadly for the single with a longing, quite often success is marriage and anything less smells of failure. And the questions, the questions are as natural as the passing of time.
“Is it because I’m ugly?”
“Is it because I’m too fat, too thin, too tall, too short—too something?”
“Ho long?”
These are the questions that are pressed from our lips every time a failed relationship deals us a kick in the gut. And while they are good questions to ask as we seek maturity, they can be debilitating, discouraging. No matter what the heart hears failure tends to drown out the quieter, kinder voices that whisper, “You are loved.”
It is not that we don’t want to hear we are loved. It is that we are taught from an early age about this ultimate human relationship and we have allowed it to act as validation of our worth. Our questions express our frustration. They confess our hope that if we could figure out what we are doing wrong we would be married. It is a hard thing to feel helpless. It is a hard thing to be asked to wait and trust Continue Reading >>
