"Strengthen the Feeble Hands, Steady the Knees That Give Way."
A Loss That Is Not a Loss (Part 2)
May 15th
Prolonged singleness can seem like the magic of being sawn in half with no obvious wounds. It is like a cut that hurts, but does not bleed. It is like falling from a great height with only internal injuries. Prolonged singleness is a loss that is not a loss, a pain society will not allow us to feel or mourn.
Here, in the ‘tween’ time, we who are single must face the difficult task of resting and hoping, of contentment tinged with dissatisfaction. What seeks to unearth us is the uncertainty of our situation. Life seems to involve few answers and a multitude of questions. We stand on a Rock that is Christ, but our fears, howling with the wind, cry out:
“Will I ever be married (again)?”
“Does God WANT me to marry?”
“Is God punishing me for my past?”
“Should I wait for so-and-so or should I move on?”
“Should I just settle for anyone?”
“Are my standards too high?”
“Am I already too old?”
And the most brutal of all…
“WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!!”
These questions are the seeds of frustration that only multiply over time. As the years go by, we battle not only the loss of hope, but also the loss of “what might have been.” To Continue Reading >>
Spring Showers and Spring Flowers
May 9th
It is not just the earth that responds to the coming of spring—my soul too rises. Paul wrote in 2Corinthians 2:14 that, “through us” God “spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge” of Christ. If only this were more than theoretically true. If only we could blossom as the flowers do.
Paul wrote that, “to God we are the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.” When God leans down and pulls us to Himself He smells not the rotten flesh of sin, not the corrupt nature, but Christ.
It is a different kind of springtime for the world since the coming of Christ.
It is a different kind of world with the Christian in it.
It is a different place since God makes all things new.
Thank God we no longer stink up the place.
I am conscious of the flowers, and conscious of the thaw.
I am aware that yesterday’s frost is gone, and aware that today brings new mercies.
Spring showers have brought spring flowers, and with them the sweetness of life—new life. Thank God.
Spring Showers Brought Flowers
27 Photos
A Loss That Is Not a Loss (Part I)
May 5th
I sing songs when I am lonely and cry when it hurts. Yet that which plagues me, my specter, is ephemeral—lacking substance, lacking shape, and lacking form. It is a shadow: a longing and expectation fueled by desire and sustained by hope. I find it difficult to explain my sorrow to those who would comfort me. I mourn a loss that is not a loss—an ambiguous loss.
Psychologists use the term “ambiguous loss” to explain the sorrow all human beings experience in the face of traumatic circumstances; it is everywhere. The mother whose son has been kidnapped pleads with the kidnappers, “Just tell me if my boy is all right!” Ambiguous loss! In New Orleans, they buried the last unclaimed body on the third anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Somewhere a family wonders if their loved one is still alive. Ambiguous loss!
Pauline Boss’ book, Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, has been a balm to my soul. After seeing the title I thought, “That’s it! Finally, what I feel has a name. Finally, the pain of prolonged singleness had a name.” The single too must learn to live with unresolved grief. The chapters made sense for the single life: “Frozen Grief,” Continue Reading >>
Content, but Not Satisfied (Part 2)
Apr 29th
“He did not seek to drown grief in oblivion, but to exalt and dignify it through hope. A dry eye goes with a dead soul.” Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
The hope is that in considering contentment and satisfaction we might be able to own our sorrow and longing in order that they might lose some of their venom. The hope is that, in confessing the truth of our need to one another, we can walk in freedom not fearing that the entire world is passing us by or worse, is judging us. This freedom has become important to me because of the many harsh voices and judging stares I receive when I speak of my need. “Surely,” they say, “you need to be content before God will bless you.” I bristle at these words.
No matter what those voices may say, contentment is not the absence or denial of need. No! Contentment is the confidence that all things are being worked together for us who love God (Rom 8:28). Contentment is the confidence, the childlike, zealous, loving confidence that He cares (1Pet. 5:7). A contentment that ignores the hunger, that pretends there is no want, is self-delusion. This requires no faith at all. Continue Reading >>
